Well, Hello There Substack, You’re Looking Mighty Fine Today

A sordid love affair with my new favourite platform

Am I the kind of word-slinging wannabe writer to wave a tale of writing-related love, passion, and connection around with such wanton abandonment? Hell, yeah. Am I the kind of satirical trickster to sum up such a story with a top ten list of how to have the most meaningful relationship with Substack you possibly can? Yes, guilty, as charged, my Substack tribe. And am I kind of fool to mess around with words for cheap comedic effect? Well, I damn well hope not, because we all know that such tomfoolery can urine a whole sentence.

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For the last couple of years the creative writing-well within me had felt drier than an out of date box of crackers. Writing used to be such a big part of my life, but life, with its usual delightful chaos, responsibilities and other such nonsense, had other ideas. And along with my tendency to let the meaningful things in my life fall by the wayside when life gets busy, I ended up falling out of love with writing for a while. Talking of tendencies, an ex-girlfriend once told me I have a tendency to twist people's meanings to suit myself. I remember telling her, I’ll be taking that as a compliment.

But then, a couple of months ago, somewhere between my heart, my emotional core and my inner writing-well I began to feel this undeniable itch, a primal urge to not just make a conscious commitment to start writing again, but to also meaningfully reconnect with other creatives, to start throwing my words back out into the ether and see who catches them. It was like realising you've been talking to yourself in the mirror for far too long and then suddenly remembering that there are actually other nutjobs, misfits and weirdos out there.

This urge became a desire, and this desire stirred feelings of the absolute joy I get from writing, how much I love the heart-warming connections it creates, and the sense of purpose these things bring. You see, even for the most psychologically curious, emotionally literate, and mentally masterful amongst us pain, loss and heartache is still pain, loss, and heartache. Having your psychological shit more or less together doesn’t make you exempt from experiencing life’s unavoidable shitstorms, it just makes it possible for you to face it all a tad more effectively. And much like the writers here that I am drawn to the most, writing helps me find purpose and meaning from this pain, loss and heartache. And with my writing-well craving emotional and creative stimulation, seemingly to help soothe this ever-present pain, I decided I needed to do something about it.

So, naturally, with my creative juices flowing faster than you can say ‘Lee, you’re a fucking idiot” I drifted back to my literary girlfriend, Medium. Don’t get me wrong, Medium and I had had some good times together in the past, we’d laughed together, cried together, hell, we’d even grown together. But now, going back felt… different. Medium no longer seemed interested in me, less connected, less present; I now felt unseen. I wanted to talk about life, meaning, and feelings, but all Medium wanted to talk about was politics, cryptocurrency, and how I should be less focused on the creative side of my writing and more focused on making money from it. It was obvious that Medium and I had grown apart, the spark between us just wasn't there anymore. It reminded me of that one time a girlfriend dumped me because I was addicted to gambling, like a fool, I thought I could win her back.

It was then that I realised I needed a new muse, a new playground for my particular brand of observational lunacy. And then, like a siren song echoing through the digital wilderness, I stumbled upon Substack. And let me tell you, my friends, it was love at first sight. Or at least, intense infatuation at first click.

What followed can only be described as something akin to a sordid love affair. Substack became my secret addiction, my digital mistress. I found myself checking my phone with a frequency that would make a teenager blush. On the toilet? Substack. At work, pretending to be deeply engrossed in patient notes? Substack. Mid-conversation with my real-life partner? Yep. I just couldn’t help myself, and a part of me didn’t give a shit. Since falling in love with Substack I’ve also rediscovered my insatiable obsession with reading. I’m ashamed to say it it out loud, but I’ve become a bit of an infomaniac.

This wasn't just a casual fling, mind you. This was the real deal. With Substack’s ‘Feed’ and ‘Notes’ functionality, along with a massively warm, welcoming, and wonderfully engaging creative community, I can be so much more vulnerable than I’d ever been with Medium. Medium, bless its heart, has attachment issues. As much as I always try not to compare exes with new partners, I can’t help but reflect that Medium simply didn’t have the emotional capacity to be as intimate with me as Substack can. Talking about attachment styles reminds me of that one time my therapist tried to talk about my tendency to fall in love really easily and with little regard for the other person’s feelings. I remember telling her, “hey, please don’t talk like this, baby girl.”

And as for another ex, don't even get me started on X. Or as I, being an old-school Generation Xer, still stubbornly call it, Twitter. Not "X." Never "X." It sounds like a bad sci-fi movie title or a failed brand of chewing gum. Twitter is a hotbed of polarised people arguing with each other, a digital Thunderdome where everyone's got a pitchfork and no one's got a filter. Looking back, my relationship with Twitter was toxic. As soon as I’d express an opinion, any opinion, within seconds I’d be called everything from a fascist to a snowflake. It was exhausting. Re-igniting my relationship with Twitter wasn’t an option if I was looking for creative connection and closeness. No joke, I once saw a debate on Twitter about the correct way to butter toast that very quickly escalated into death threats. While here on Substack, I reckon folks would politely discuss the merits of various bread types over a virtual cup of chamomile tea.

This newfound love affair with Substack also allowed me to bring my emotional baggage, that, as I continue this path of personal growth through this chaos we call life, is still in the process of being packed. And believe me, after a near-on decade of being denied a relationship with my children, divorce, depression, and at times a general sense of being dragged through life backwards, I've got more baggage than a transatlantic flight.

The emotional baggage that is my old Medium stories (those raw, unfiltered chronicles of my life), were welcomed with open arms by my Substack tribe. Like a new partner who genuinely understands and accepts that, after a lifetime of chaotic decisions, I'm bringing a whole damn airport's worth of carry-on.

You see, as I was settling into this new platform, I re-published a few of my key Medium stories here on Substack. Some might raise an eyebrow, "Aren't those old stories? Haven't they been published elsewhere? They weren’t funny the first time, Lee" And to them, I say, "I don’t give a fuck." I'm not charging a subscription fee for them, they're free after all. And more importantly, they're not just "content"; they're chapters of my life, etched in words. And even though my stories are sprinkled with a protective layer of satire and silliness, they are still deeply personal. So, even with the posting of some old Medium stories, there's still a real vulnerability in sharing them in a new space, exposing them to a new audience. It's a bit like showing your new partner old photo albums, complete with questionable exes and laughable life choices. It's all part of the journey.

And now, as this sordid love affair with Substack continues to burn brightly, what was the barren writing-well within me has become a wellspring of creative writing and connection once again. The phone checks continue, the furtive glances remain, and the occasional muffled giggle from the bathroom can still be heard. Because when you find a platform that feels like home, a community that feels like family, and a creative outlet that feels like pure, unadulterated joy, well, you cling to it like a drunkard to a lamppost. And that, my friends, is a love story worth telling. No joke.

I know what you’re thinking - “Lee, before you go, could you sum all this up in some kind of succinctly presented, satirically slanted list of how to have the most meaningful relationship with Substack you possibly can. And also, none of the usual ‘How to Get a Squillion Subscribers in Sixty Days’ type nonsense, please, Lee.”

Of course, here you go:

My Top Ten Dos and Don’ts For Having The Most Meaningful Relationship With Substack You Possibly Can

Dos:

1. Be a Cheerleader

If you find value in someone's words, don't just lurk in the digital bushes like a weirdo. Be the cheerleader you needed when your own writing felt like a smoking pile of shit. A bit of genuine praise and celebrating of other people’s wins—no matter how small—goes a long way. So, give applause where deserved and stop being a spectator to someone else's glorious mess.

2. Have Fun, Be Silly

Let's face it, at times life can be fucking challenging, so, make jokes. Have silly conversations with other writers about seriously stupid stuff. Laughter isn't just a natural stress reliever; it's the emotional equivalent of duct tape, keeping our chaotic existence from flying completely off the rails.

3. Express Your Love

If a writer’s words move you, for God’s sake, tell them. Expressing authentic love for someone’s writing isn’t weak; it’s an act of emotional bravery right up there with telling a flat-earther they're wrong. People don’t stick around for the numbers; they stick around because they feel seen, valued, and appreciated for who they are.

4. Be Authentic and Emotionally Available

If a piece of writing made you feel something, don't just say "great post!" Tell the writer how it actually made you feel. Being emotionally honest is an act of digital vulnerability. It's brave, and it permits a kind of mutual growth you won't find anywhere else.

5. Don't Be an Emotional Drive-By

If you haven’t got time to give someone’s post your fullest attention, don’t just give it the equivalent of a quickie. Save the post for later, when you can spend some quality time with it. Giving someone’s words your full attention is how you truly see them, and let’s be honest, people like being seen. A proper read promotes a deeper connection than a quick, uncommitted scroll ever could.

Don’ts:

1. Don’t Just Talk About Money, Success, and the Seeking of Subscribers

A constant emphasis on stats and money turns Substack into a soulless spreadsheet, not a community of creatives. It triggers feelings of inadequacy that make you want to throw your laptop out a window, and overshadows emotional connections and shared experiences. No one wants a relationship built on a financial forecast, for God's sake.

2. Don’t Be a Dick

Don’t be a dick, neither privately nor publicly. If you have nothing kind to say, for God’s sake, keep your fingers off the keyboard. Unkind words and actions aren't big, and they're not clever. They're just the sad, pathetic noise of someone desperate to feel powerful by making someone else feel small.

3. Don’t Take More Than You Give

If all you want is superficial engagement, go ahead and treat Substack like your own personal broadcast tower. You’ll get a few likes here and there, people will eventually realise you’re just in it for yourself and it’ll be like talking to a brick wall. Taking more than you give will only ever result in followers and subscribers scurrying away like rats from a sinking ship.

4. Don’t Rely on Substack for All Your Happiness

While your connection with Substack should be a source of joy, it's not its job to be your sole source of happiness. It’s not a therapist, a life coach, or a partner. So, get off your screen, go and live your life, and then bring all that glorious chaos back to your writing. The more interesting you are in real life, the more people will be drawn to your words online.

5. Don’t Stop Being Grateful

Expressing gratitude is a fundamental way of showing love and respect. Without it, online relationships can feel transactional or obligatory, like a bad business merger with no mutual interest. Don’t let your Substack become a job you hate; it should be a place for genuine connections built on mutual support and admiration.

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I’d love to hear about your experience of Substack, the good, the bad, and even the ugly… What does your relationship with Substack mean to you? Any dos or don’ts you would add to the list?

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